Fastest To 50, Horrible Bosses, & Not-So-Wonderlic.
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Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Quick Hits

The Main Event
The NFL Combine starts today. Check out the schedule of events right here.

For those unfamiliar, the Combine is basically a week-long job interview for college football players looking to turn pro. Scouts, GMs, and Coaches flock to Indianapolis in hopes of weeding out the busts to find the diamonds in the rough. To help them achieve this goal, players participate in a slew of events like the broad jump, 20-yard shuttle, and 3-cone drill, but the only two tests fans really care about are the 40-yard dash and the Wonderlic (intelligence test). An abnormally good or bad result in either of these events will be pinned to that player for the rest of their lives. Don't believe us?

Look at the 40-yard dash, where Chris Johnson's 2008 record (4.24 sec) is still used for promotional purposes, while Michael Bush's NFL career ended with the sound of laughter after he ran a 4.91 at the veteran's combine. When it comes to the Wonderlic, NFL prospects average 21 out of 50, but Ryan Fitzpatrick scored so well (48 out of 50) that 11 years later, he's still being asked about it. And when discussing the inconsistent career of Morris Claiborne, many point to his equally "impressive" score of 4 as an early red flag. Claiborne's response to scoring comically low? "I mean, I looked on the test and wasn't nothing on the test that came with football, so I pretty much blew the test off." That's about as sound of reasoning we could expect from a 4/50 brain.

Besides enjoying Rich Eisen run the 40-yard dash in gold shoes, the NFL Combine is actually pretty boring for fans. How many times can you watch someone run through cones like this and then like this? Pretty painful stuff. Regardless, it's the first sign of NFL life during the offseason, which means we're one step closer to the regular season. Albeit a small one.

Good Sport
After traveling to the Bahamas, New England Patriots' functioning alcoholic tight end Rob "Gronk" Gronkowski's Party Ship has miraculously returned to port in Miami without anyone dying of acute alcohol poisoning. Rave reviews of the epic NFL booze cruise are pouring in, even for the 1,600+ passengers who didn't realize they were on a Gronk Party Ship. The cruise went as expected, as it was filled with Gronk dancing, Gronk bench pressing girls, Gronk dancing, Gronk showing off his gigantic "pipes," Gronk dancing, and Gronk dancing. The only thing that seemed to be missing on the cruise were shirts.

Bad Sport
The NBA trade deadline came and went last week, and while nothing earth-shattering happened, details of a voided three-way trade between Houston, Detroit, and Philadelphia have surfaced, and the repercussions of the failed deal have proved extensive. Donatas Motiejunas was one of the players Houston dealt to Detroit, but after he failed his physical, the trade was voided for all three teams. This sucks for everyone, but mostly for Houston, because taking Motiejunas and the other players on the block back put them over the luxury tax line. Now they won't get luxury tax payments from other teams, and may have to pay punitive repeater fees. To make matters worse, they likely won't have a first round draft pick, plus their team is full of players they tried to trade, but couldn't. Not even this much Axe Bodyspray could cover up the smell of tension within that locker room.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
NHL. Blue Jackets at Red Wings - 7:30pm - NBC Sports
COLLEGE BASKETBALL. Georgia State at Georgia Southern - 6pm on ESPN2; Alabama at Kentucky - 7pm on ESPN; Kansas at Baylor - 8pm on ESPN2; Michigan State at Ohio State - 9pm on ESPN;
SOCCER. UEFA Champions League: Arsenal vs. Barcelona - 2:30pm on Fox Sports 1; CONCACAF Champions League: Querétaro vs. D.C. United - 8pm on Fox Sports 1; Seattle vs. América - 10pm on Fox Sports 1
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