Epic Hockey Flop, The Way You Move, & Hand-Bras.
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Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Quick Hits

The Main Event
WHAT?
The 2016 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition hit newsstands this week, and this year’s batch of lovely ladies challenged the very idea of what a swimsuit is. In other words, it’s awesome.

WHAT ELSE?
The Good Old Sport team has done extensive research to unearth the best “performances” in this year’s edition, so you don’t have to (although you probably want to). Without further ado, we present our (probably sexist) 2016 SI Swimsuit Awards:
  • Best hand-bra: Samantha Hoopes - Give us a high-five!
  • Best hand-underwear: Chanel Iman - Where Mimosas are always bottomless.
  • Best Borat-style thong: Nina Adgal - Great success!
  • Best mesh top: Hannah Ferguson - Holey Moley!
  • Best "It must be cold out" moment: Samantha Hoopes - Insert your own "it looks a bit nippy" line here.
  • Best pose with an inanimate object: Erin Heatherton - One big leaf will do.
  • Best "WTF" pose: Emily Didonato - It's a lemon party!
  • Best "that just looks uncomfortable" pose: Bo Krsmanovic - Razor-sharp rocks make a perfect bed.
  • Best "you're literally not wearing any clothes" swimsuit: Nina Adgal - Does a bracelet count as a swimsuit?
  • Rookie of the Year: Sofia Resing - Nice game, rook!
  • 2016 SI swimsuit champion: Samantha Hoopes - Self-explanatory.
THOUGHTS?
If golfer Paige Spiranac isn't prominently featured in next year's edition it will be a crime against humanity.

Good Sport
A HOME RUN
It's time for MLB Spring Training! Pitchers and catchers report to camp today, and unlike the NFL's Preseason or NBA's Summer League, Spring Training is actually worth your time. Every MLB team plays in either Arizona or Florida, making this the best opportunity to take a much needed vacation from the winter chill to meet your favorite team's washed-up players, who now follow the team around to charge for autographs and photos (looking at you, Rollie Fingers). Moreover, these games are all about the beer and food, which should be reason enough to ditch the winter jacket for a Good Old Sport tank top.

Speaking of... The first one of you knuckleheads to forward this email to 10 friends and cc coach@goodoldsport.com gets a Good Old Sport tank top!

Bad Sport
ANGER MANAGEMENT
An Argentinian soccer referee was shot to death after presenting a red card to a player during an amateur soccer match. The red card recipient, turned gunman, somehow got away from police and is still on the run, because Argentina. But let’s not pretend U.S. sports aren’t a hair away from such episodes of ridiculous sports violence either. Remember the near NBA locker room shootout (with guns not basketballs) between former players Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton? Yeah, America’s more than prepared for any type of “Death Olympics,” should they materialize. Just let us know when and where.

MANNY DOESN’T WALK WITH THE ANIMALS
Future Filipino senator, and the boxer you were totally rooting for in his big fight against Floyd Mayweather last May, Manny “Pac Man” Pacquiao, called gay people “worse than animals” in an interview with a local Filipino TV network. Pacquiao went on to say "It's just common sense… Have you seen any animal having male-to-male or female-to-female relations?" The internet obviously reacted by shitting its collective pants, which included a Twitter response from Mayweather that read, “I stand behind President Obama & support gay marriage.” Anytime you make Floyd Mayweather (who Ray Rice'd his ex-girlfriend) look like a better human being than you, you know you’ve f*cked up.

Never Forget
The time Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh and his dad split a pot brownie before a taping of Judge Judy. Never Forget.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
NHL. Blackhawks at Rangers - 8pm on NBC Sports
COLLEGE BASKETBALL. Syracuse at Louisville - 7pm on ESPN; Villanova at Temple - 7pm on ESPN2; Providence at Xavier - 7pm on Fox Sports 1; Duke at North Carolina - 9pm on ESPN; Arizona State at Arizona - 9pm on ESPN2; Seton Hall at Georgetown - 9pm on Fox Sports 1
SOCCER. UEFA Champions League Soccer: Roma vs. Real Madrid - 2:30pm on Fox Sports 1
GOLF. LPGA Tour: Australian Open, First-Round Play - 10pm on Golf Channel
NASCAR. Sprint Cup Series: Practice in Daytona Beach - 5pm on Fox Sports 1
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