Road Rules! All four road teams (Kansas City, Pittsburgh, Seattle, and Green Bay) won their Wild Card matchups this weekend, an NFL first. Let's breakdown each game as quick as we can, shall we?
Kansas City Chiefs at Houston Texans:
Knile Davis of the Chiefs returned the opening kickoff 106-yards for a touchdown
, which proved to be just the beginning of a hellish day for Houston. Texans quarterback Brian Hoyer threw four picks on the way to a 30-0 loss
, which was so humiliating Arnold Schwarzenegger felt compelled to cheer up JJ Watt via Twitter
Pittsburgh Steelers at Cincinnati Bengals:
The Bengals lost their fifth consecutive playoff game 18-16 to the Steelers thanks to a ridiculous leg/butt/somersault touchdown catch
by Pittsburgh wide receiver Martavis Bryant, injuries to Steelers stars Ben Roethlisberger and Antonio Brown (who looked like a wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man
after suffering a concussion), and a trio of Bengal gafs in the last two minutes (bonehead fumble
and two even bonier-head personal fouls - more on those later).
Seattle Seahawks at Minnesota Vikings:
In the third-coldest game in NFL history
, the Seahawks and Vikings bored audiences for a full 59 minutes and 34 seconds, excluding a dope, one-handed Doug Baldwin catch
, before Vikings kicker Blair Walsh missed a 27-yard field goal
to give Seattle the 10-9 victory. Upon closer inspection, holder Jeff Locke placed the ball laces in (a football sin punishable by gonorrhea and hell fire
Green Bay Packers at Washington Redskins:
The Packers battled back from an 11-point deficit
, including a safety against them less than five minutes into the game, to take down the Redskins 35-18. Despite a surprisingly effective season by Redskins quarterback Kirk Cousins, which birthed a team slogan
, Randall Cobb and the Packers were the ones who ended up "liking that
How can Minnesota fans drink their beer
when it's that cold out?