Wacky Hairlines, Cowards, & Broken Eggs.
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Monday, August 15, 2016

Quick Hits From Over The Weekend

The Main Event
The first week of Premier League soccer is in the books.

The early chatter is all about 34-year old soccer veteran Zlatan Ibrahimovic. After years of playing in what feels like every UEFA league, the Swiss striker finally made his Premier League debut, and he did not disappoint, scoring a goal from about 25 miles out for Manchester United in their 2-1 victory over Sunderland yesterday.

Elsewhere, Liverpool coach Jurgen Klopp is feeling like a doof after rushing the field to celebrate after a Sadio Mané goal put his team up 4-1 in the 63rd minute against Arsenal, only to be up 4-2 in the 64rd minute, then 4-3 in the 74th minute. Luckily for Klopp, his team held on for the win, but his pre-mature celebration (the only thing more embarrassing than a pre-mature this) made us root real hard against him.

Not only did Arsenal keeper Petr Cech give up four goals, but he crashed his car after the game. Looks like he might need to wear his cool looking helmet in the car too.

Good Sport
Bolting For Retirement
Usain Bolt, who said Rio will be his last race, just became the first person to win 100m gold in three consecutive Olympics. We'll remember the sprinter as a legend, but also for the time he got run over by a Segway.

Bad Sport
Loch, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Ryan Lochte and three other U.S. swimmers you’ve never heard of were robbed at gunpoint early Sunday morning in Rio. After leaving a party hosted at Club France, a group of men wearing police badges pulled over the taxi the swimmers were riding in, put a gun to Lochte’s head, and stole the athletes' money and wallets. But if you ask the International Olympic Commite, Lochte didn’t get robbed and everything is running smoothly in Rio!

G.O.A.T. of the Weekend (What is G.O.A.T.?)
Mónica Puig. For the first time ever, Puerto Rico finally got to hear their (boring) national anthem played at the Olympics, thanks to the 34th best tennis player in the world winning gold. With this being the country’s only gold medal in its 68 years Olympic participation, it’s understandable why they’ve plastered her face on the front page of the newspaper. Puig defeated the world’s second-ranked player, Angelique Kerber, to become the first unseeded player to win gold in tennis since the sport returned to the games in 1988.

Goat of the Weekend (What's a Goat?)
Islam el-Shehaby. The Egyptian judo fighter refused to shake hands after losing to Israel’s Or Sasson. Not only is it sad see someone blatantly go against both the spirit of Olympic and judo values, but hearing that an Islamist-leaning TV host encouraged el-Shehaby to pullout from the match, saying if he loses, “Egypt will be sad and you will be seen as a traitor and a normalizer in the eyes of your people,” almost makes us feel sympathy for this handshake hater, but not quite. It’s times like these when we crank up Depeche Mode and sing loud.

Quote of the Weekend
"I’m just ready for something different." - Michael Phelps

The Olympic swimmer you haven't been able to avoid is looking to become more avoidable, which is something his ex-girlfriend can't wait for. In case you've been living under a rock, this is expected to be Phelps' last Olympics.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
RIO OLYMPICS. Women's Field Hockey - 8:30am on NBCSN; Men's Handball - 9am on MSNBC; Badminton/Women's Table Tennis - 9:30am on USA; Wresting/Cycling/Track - 10am on NBCSN; Track and Field/Men's Volleyball - 10am on NBC; Men's Basketball - 10:15am on MSNBC; Women's Water Polo/Badminton/Sailing - 12pm on MSNBC; Women's Water Polo - 1pm on NBC; Women's Water Polo - 2pm on CNBC; Canoe/Kayak/Synchronized Swimming/Men's Beach Volleyball - 2:30pm on NBC; Men's Basketball - 3pm on NBCSN; Men's Wrestling/Men's Weightlifting - 5pm on NBCSN; Men's Volleyball/Boxing - 6:30pm on NBCSN; Primetime - 8pm on NBC
SOCCER. Chelsea vs. West Ham - 3pm on USA
BASEBALL. American Legion World Series - 4pm on ESPNU; Royals at Tigers - 7pm on ESPN; American Legion World Series - 7:30pm on ESPNU
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