Meathead Anthem, Undefeated Forever, & National Signing Day.
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Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Quick Hits

The Main Event
Today is National Signing Day, which means the college football world will come to a standstill to watch high school prodigies make their selection from a lineup of hats, in one of the dumbest traditions in all of sports. The selected hat represents the college program the athlete has chosen to play for.

How do those athletes come to choose their respective hats/programs? Through overly aggressive, out of control college recruiting. This year, it started when Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh slept over at a kicker's house, which was Harbaugh's way of letting rival coaches know, "it's on." Not to be outdone, college coaches across the country stepped up to see who could stoop the lowest to win over recruits. Horrendously-awkward dancing (Nick Saban, Alabama), stadium sledding sessions (Dabo Swinney, Clemson), and celebrity meet and greets with Condoleezza Rice, who all the kids are raving about these days (David Shaw, Stanford), were just some of the flashy tactics used to draw in recruits. The whole process feels like watching someone jingle car keys in front of an infant... you just feel embarrassed for all parties involved.

This act of portraying a totally fake, buddy-buddy/coach-player relationship needs to end. A typical college athlete, or even a high-profile professional athlete, will never spend time palling around with their coach, dancing the day away only to cap it off with a football-shaped cake. It's ridiculous, and a bit weird, to see how much effort these grown men put behind impressing these high schoolers.

Good Sport
Leicester City striker Jamie Vardy netted such an inexplicably awesome goal that if you were playing against him in FIFA 16 you would have thrown your controller through the TV. The 25-yard strike, one of two goals for Vardy on the day, gave Leicester City a 2-0 win over Liverpool. Leicester remains on top of the Premier League ahead of their highly anticipated match against Manchester City (second in the Premier League) on Saturday.

Bad Sport
Apparently, some MLB teams are adopting Major League faux-owner Rachel Phelps' strategy of "intentionally tanking" in order to improve their draft positioning (the worst teams get the best draft picks the following year). At the most recent MLB owners meetings, teams "expressed concern" that tanking is becoming more commonplace for squads looking to stockpile high draft picks. As a result, the owners will potentially explore rule changes to the collective bargaining agreement to impede the use of tanking tactics. It's gotta make you feel like shit if you're one of the players on a "tank" team. At that point, you may as well do everything you can to win so you can stick it to the owner, Major League-style.

Former Atlanta Falcons safety Eugene Robinson urged the Carolina Panthers not to go wild during Super Bowl week. Robinson was famously arresting for soliciting sex from a police officer the night before Super Bowl 33, although he still got to play the following day. Incredibly, Denver Broncos safety Ryan Murphy was sent home by the Broncos yesterday after being detained in a prostitution sting. It's stories like this that prove football gods exist and want us to laugh.

Never Forget
The worst Harlem Globetrotters impression of all time. Never forget.

Watch to Watch (All Times Eastern)
NBA. Warriors at Wizards - 8pm on ESPN; Timberwolves at Clippers - 10:30pm on ESPN
NHL. Red Wings at Lightning - 8pm on NBC Sports
COLLEGE FOOTBALL. National Signing Day Special - 1pm on ESPN
COLLEGE BASKETBALL. Notre Dame at Miami - 7pm on ESPN2; St. John's at Xavier - 6:30pm on Fox Sports 1; Kansas State at Kansas - 9pm on ESPN2; Marquette at Seton Hall - 8:30pm on Fox Sports 1
SOCCER. Premier League Soccer: Watford vs. Chelsea - 2:55pm on NBC Sports
GOLF. LPGA Tour: Coates Golf Championship, First-Round Play - 2pm on Golf Channel; Dubai Desert Classic, First-Round Play - 11pm on Golf Channel
BAD LIP READING. Another one of those dubbed NFL parody videos came out. Our favorite line: "There's this woman who wrote this thing about how no monkeys and no boyfriends can pick up her panties."
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