Indians Tattoo Removal, 3-1 Sucks, & Sore Loser.
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Friday, November 4, 2016

Friday Fun
  • Priorities. In case you were wondering what the excuses looked like yesterday morning for Chicago-area kids that showed up late (or not at all) for school...
  • We Want What They Have. Having witnessed their most hated rival win the World Series, the St. Louis Cardinals want a piece of that action. It starts with manager Mike Matheny, who they just signed to a three-year extension.
  • Sore Loser. Not every Cubs fan had a great time celebrating the big win Wednesday night. Namely this guy who got knocked out cold by an Indians fan right outside the stadium just after the game. Now those are the Cleveland fans we know and love.
  • Of Course. Some dipshit got an Indians-Cavs 2016 championship tattoo. At least he only has to get laser removal treatment on half of it...

The Main Event
F
WHAT?
This weekend is a big one for fast humans and horses alike. Sunday marks the 46th running of the New York City Marathon, while our four-legged friends will run the 33rd edition of the Breeders' Cup, a Grade 1 (top notch) horse race, generally considered to be the last big race of the season.

WHAT ELSE?
The New York City Marathon is the world's largest marathon, with 50,000 people having completed the grueling, 26.2 mile journey through all five boroughs of filthy-ass New York City last year. We've never run the NYC Marathon, but, if it's anything like walking down the streets of Manhattan, we imagine the race path is filled with Starbucks garbage and human excrement. So, who'll dodge enough waste to win it this year? Hard to say, but probably a Kenyan since they've won the last four in a row. "What do you mean 'they'" - PC douchbag, who we'll receive a complaint email from later today.

Moving right along from human doo-doo pies to road apples, the Santa Anita Racetrack in California will host the 2016 Breeders' Cup, which is the second-to-last time of the year white people will have an excuse to wear goofy-ass hats (yes, we're talking about your designer Santa hat, you bourgeoisie scum). California Chrome, who's undefeated in 2016, is the even-money favorite to take the $6 million race this year.

THOUGHTS?
Seriously...

Good Sport
Good For Baseball
If it seems like everyone and their mother are talking about the World Series this week, it's because everyone and their mother watched it. Game 7 of the Cubs-Indians World Series was the most-watched baseball game in the last 25 years.

Bad Sport
Huff, And Puff, And Blow Yourself Off The Team
Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Josh Huff just gangstered his way out of a roster spot. Two days after being charged with speeding, drug possession, and illegal possession of weapons, the Eagles booted him off the team. It's still TBD which of the two NFL criminal asylums (Raiders/Bengals) he'll end up playing for.

G.O.A.T. of the Week (What is G.O.A.T.?)
Michael Lee. As we mentioned last week, this bro, who predicted the Chicago Cubs would win the 2016 World Series back in 1993, would either become a prophet or a jinx depending on the outcome of the Cubs-Indians series. Now that the Cubs have won, he deserves all the praise and champagne showers in the world, which he can no doubt get from actor Bill Murray, who poured champagne on everyone he saw after the Cubs clinched the series, whether they wanted it or not.

Goat of the Week (What's a Goat?)
The Cleveland Indians. Lost in the Cubs' unparalleled World Series victory is the Indians' agonizing defeat. After watching their Cavs come back from a 3-1 defect to win a championship, the city of Cleveland watched another team do the same to them... on their home field, no less. From the looks of it, it seems Clevelanders would rather lose a child than a best-of-seven-series in such a horrific manner. "WHHHHYYYY???!!"

Good Old Caption Winner
"Brazzers" - Zach Christensen

A simple, yet elegant and encapsulating caption, Zach. Enjoy your Good Old Sport pint glass responsibly during your alone time in the dark.

Tweet of the Week
Having squandered a 3-1 lead in the NBA Finals to lose to the Cleveland Cavaliers, Golden State Warriors forward Draymond Green had no trouble throwing the Indians' World Series turd right back in Cleveland's face.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
Baseball is over, but shit's still going on.
Link of the Day: The trailer for the new Wonder Woman movie came out, apparently, and if you have no interest whatsoever in seeing it (raises hand) you're a sexist... so says your female friends.
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