It's Great To Be White, Mutilated Dad Shoes, & The Wrath Of God.
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Thursday, August 25, 2016

Quick Hits
  • The Latest Weight-Loss Plan. Baltimore Ravens wide receiver Breshad Perriman says he lost four pounds by cutting off his receding dreadlocks, which will undoubtedly aid the receiver's speed this season. Who knows how many Pro Bowl wideouts are currently hiding in Reggae bands.
  • Poop Field. A minor league baseball game was cancelled because the field became flooded with shit-water (literally) just before game time. The busted sewage pipe must have been smelly, but it pales in comparison to the stink Atlanta fans face every time they watch their Braves (MLB-worst 46-81 record).
  • It's Great To Be White. While black NFL players who have been accused of domestic violence are blackballed from the league, white ones (like kicker Josh Brown) are being handed new jobs and paltry punishments. Lesson to be learned: If you're an NFL player who's gonna assault a woman, be white.
  • Fun With Fantasy. Fantasy Football season's almost here, which means it's time to bask in the glory of punny team names. Check out a batch of 'em here. This one's obviously our favorite:

The Main Event
The World Rowing Championships are this week, and we can barely muster up any f*cks to give because we already watched a shitload of rowing at the Olympics last week. Okay, we only watched it for about five minutes, but that was enough rowing to last us the whole year.

The WRCs, which kicked off on Sunday and run through August 28th, are considered to be "the biggest annual World Rowing event and the most important of the season" ... unless, even according to Wikipedia, it's an Olympic Year. Enjoy riding bitch, WRCs, the Olympics have shotgun this year. Aside from being the red-headed stepchild of rowing events, the 2016 WRCs (held in Rotterdam, Netherlands) will give us a look at the best athletes in the sport (tired leftovers from Rio), competing in single, double, and quad regattas. For you nubes, a "regatta" is a sporting event consisting of a series of boat or yacht races. Pull out this fancy-ass term at the yacht club and you'll be sure to pull some Caddyshack-esque loose, rich tail.

The Brits have collected the most tail (and medals) as of recently, having won the most medals at the 2015 and 2014 WRCs. The U.S., while not as dominant as it is in many other sports, hasn't been a complete piece of shit, finishing with the fourth and fifth most medals in the 2015 and 2014 WRCs, respectively. Here's to the U.S. cracking the top three in 2016!

These crew bros may be beefier than us, but we still felt like the real winners in college when passed them in the dorm hallway at 5:00am after a night of drunken debauchery as they left for practice.

Good Sport
The Greatest Losers Yet
The Chicago Cubs became the first team in the league to reach 80 wins with a 5-3 victory over the lowly San Diego Padres on Tuesday night. The Cubs haven't reach 80 wins this fast (125 games) since 1929, meaning of all the Cubs' doomed, inevitable playoff-losing teams, this one's the most talented (and will therefore be the most disappointing) in 87 years.

Honorable Mention: The defending World Series Champion Kansas City Royals, who didn't shit the bed in the playoffs last season, have won nine of their last 10.

Bad Sport
Chinese Weightlifters Are Dopes
China kicked ass during the 2008 Beijing Olympics (most golds of any country: 51), and now we have an idea why. 11 weightlifting medalists (including three gold medalists, all Chinese) just failed doping retests, and stand to be stripped of their medals. Counting these three, only 13 more stripped gold medals to go before the U.S. becomes the new gold medal leader of the 2008 Olympics!

Mutilated Dad Shoes
Golden State Warriors star Steph Curry may rep dad shoes, but Houston Rockets guard James Harden's new kicks look like your old man spray-painted a pair of his lawn-mowing shoes black for a fancy dinner party instead of buying a pair oxfords.

Good Old Caption
CAPTION THIS GIF of UFC fighter Ben Rothwell feeling the wrath of god through Junior dos Santos' foot. Winner gets a Good Old Sport shirt kicked into their torso.

Send your captions to

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
NFL PRESEASON. Falcons vs. Dolphins - 5pm on NBC
SOCCER. UEFA Champions League Group Stage Draw & Best Player in Europe Award 2015/16 - 9am on Fox Sports 1
GOLF. Made in Denmark, First-Round Play - 6:30am on Golf Channel; PGA Tour Playoff: The Barclays, First-Round Play - 11am on Golf Channel; LPGA Tour: Canadian Pacific Women's Open - 3pm on Golf Channel
LITTLE LEAGUE BASEBALL. Little League World Series: International elimination game - 12pm on ESPN
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