Mascots Are Dicks, Terrible Midwestern Accents, & An Elegant Drunk.
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Thursday, November 3, 2016

Quick Hits
  • Head Case. Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Alex Smith's brain is still mush after that punishing hit to the head last weekend, so Napoleon Dynamite will start in his place against the Jags this weekend.
  • Ask And You Shall Receive. Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton bitched to commissioner Roger Goodell about an unflagged hit he took from Arizona Cardinals defense end Calais Campbell this weekend, and now the league fined Campbell $18k. Ah, the old Tom Brady tactic. Complain until you get what you want.
  • No Mercy. Check out this compilation of mascots being dicks to kids. You won't regret it.

The Main Event
Holy shit, last night was intense.

Hopefully you listened to us and ditched whatever plans you had tonight in order to watch Game 7 of the World Series, because it was 100% the right decision. The Chicago Cubs finally ended their 108-year championship drought defeating the Cleveland Indians (who are now owners of the longest MLB championship drought with 68 years) 8-7, and it took every last second of the 108 years for it to happen, as the series went to seven games, the game had a rain delay, and it also went into extra innings. The Curse of the Billy Goat is finally, and begrudgingly dead.

The Cubs are now the sixth team to come back and win the World Series after being down 3-1.

Ben Zobrist won the MVP award, and that's all well and good, but we were hoping for another train wreck MVP award ceremony from Rikk Wilde. I guess we know why Chevrolet had their VP give out the car this year instead of some guy from "Sales & Marketing." Here's looking forward to next year!

Good Sport
One Of These Is Not Like The Others
The AP released its NCAA basketball preseason All-America team yesterday, with one very-hateable white dude and four mostly-likable black dudes making the cut:

Grayson "America's Anti-Sweetheart" Allen, Duke
Monte Morris, Iowa State
Josh Hart, Villanova
Dillon Brooks, Oregon
Ivan Rabb, Cal

Honorable Mention: Vietnamese-American Qui Nguyen won an event covered by sports media that's in a no way a sport, taking home $8 million for his first-place finish in the 2016 World Series of Poker.

Bad Sport
Vacating The Vikes
Not even a 5-2 start could convince Vikings offense coordinator Norv Turner to stay through another winter in Minnesota. In a move that surprised even head coach Mike Zimmer, Turner announced his resignation as the team's OC after two and a half years with the Vikes. We certainly don't blame Turner for leaving before the state fully freezes over. Or perhaps he couldn't stand one more second of being around those god-awful Midwestern accents.

(Dis)Honorable Mention: NFL Network analyst Brian Baldinger, you know, the one with the super f*cked up hand, has been suspended for six months without pay for suggesting the Eagles should have intentionally tried to hurt Cowboys running back Ezekiel Elliott to take him out of last Sunday night's game. Considering the Eagles lost, maybe they should have tried a bit harder.

Good Old Caption
CAPTION THIS PHOTO of a young socialite enjoying the finer things at Australia's most sophisticated horse racing event; the Melbourne Cup. A Good Old Sport pint glass is your prize.

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Remember Your Picks
Get your WEEK 9 NFL PICKS in for our Good Old Sport Pick 'Em Challenge! Submissions must be entered by 8:20pm ET TODAY.

Our BOLD PREDICTION of the Week: Detroit over Minnesota.
Our LOCK of the Week: Seattle over Buffalo.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
NFL. Thursday Night Football: Falcons at Buccaneers - 8:25pm on NFL Network
NBA. Celtics at Cavaliers - 5pm on TNT; Thunder at Warriors - 7:30pm on TNT
COLLEGE FOOTBALL. Oklahoma(12) at Iowa State - 4:30pm on ESPN; UCLA at Colorado(21) - 6pm on Fox Sports 1
SOCCER. UEFA Europa League: Fenerbahçe vs. Manchester United - 11am on Fox Sports 1; UEFA Europa League: Southampton vs. Inter - 1pm on Fox Sports 1
GOLF. European Tour: Turkish Airlines Open, First-Round Play - 2am on Golf Channel; PGA Tour: Shriners Hospitals for Children Open, First-Round Play - 1:30pm on Golf Channel
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