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2020 Winter Body Guide 


It's that time again when the Bareknuckle team focuses squarely on rounding out your winter pushin’ cushion. Get ready to flap, flap through our 2020 Winter-Body Guide. 

And in case you missed our last Winter-Body Guide, you can always go back and learn a thing or two about plumping up your winter skin coat.



“Leave-Me-Alone-I’m-Hibernating” Excuse Generator 

Here’s how to not leave your house all winter, no matter what … because not even work pulls you from the couch anymore.

Fake it ‘Til You Make It (Or Just Keep Faking It)



If you’re like us, you spend your sleepless nights envisioning yourself with the winter body you always wanted. But it takes patience, something we don’t have. Before your full-blown winter bod comes on, you can cut some corners by …

  • Use a photo filter. If every 30-something woman can give themselves “cute” cat ears or reindeer antlers while they pretend to be 12-year-olds, you can find one that plumps you up a smidge (or 400).

  • Rent a sumo suit. We’ve all done it (usually for fall family photos). 

  • Get pregnant. We’ve all done it (usually for getting the family off our damn backs). 

 

Winter-Body Fitness Challenge:
Never before have words made less sense when grouped together.


 

Winter bods take discipline (and throw it out the window). It’s about habits--purposeful, calculated, not-exactly-healthy habits. 
 

Habit #1: Better Cookin’

Handsome Uncle Herb’s Sans Protein Shake—all the shake, none of the annoying protein.

  • 1 cheesecake, blended (for maximum velocity during intake). 

 

Habit #2: Better Lookin’

Everything in this guide is about lookin’ more winter. But, as the name of the guide suggests, a lot of the focus is on the bod and not so much on the mop … and that hairdo is still screaming summer. Do this every morning: look at your calendar and see if you have a hair appointment. If so, cancel it and lazily push your bangs to one side (to the right for boys, to the left for girls … so we can still tell eachother apart). 

 

Habit #3: Better Fookin’

Fú in Chinese (pronounced fook) translates to good fortune. In order to better bring about good fortune in your day-to-day activities, stop and sit still. Just sit there. Just sit. 

You probably lost 10 IQ points after reading this Jab. Earn them back:

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Miss the Last Jab? Get It Here:

The Previous Jab

Winter Bod Quote of the Month

 “If I won the award for laziness, I’d send someone to pick it up for me.”

-Your Housecat, Making a dad joke

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