Preventing gender violence - be part of the change
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Actually NO, she did not deserve to die

 - Issue 18


I overheard someone say recently that she felt very sorry for a man she got to know in prison who was serving a life sentence for murdering his wife.

The inmate explained to his prison visitor that he had been putting up with years of abuse and had finally had a guts full. One night he took a hammer to bed, hiding it under his pillow – deciding that the next time his wife started in on him he would sort her out.

The person went on to say ‘you couldn’t meet a nicer bloke. The most gentle, considerate bloke I’d ever met,’ she said.

So whose the victim? Allow me to make it very clear. When I say ‘victim’, I am talking exclusively about this dead woman and not her husband. He is the perpetrator of this crime, not a victim. Such accusations like ‘she provoked me’,  'she pushed my buttons  - if she'd left me alone I wouldn't have hurt her,' 'I was drunk when I hurt her - it's, not who I really am', I have a mental illness I'm not responsible for the things I say and do,' are groundless.

NEWSFLASH - murder no matter what the circumstances, is never excusable, never acceptable, never tolerable, period.

Victims of  domestic violence are called ‘victims’ because perpetrators commit criminal acts of violence against them, the same reason victims of burglary, and sexual assault are called victims. Whether it’s murder, domestic or sexual assault, it’s never, ever the victim’s fault.

So far this year the number of  women killed by someone known to them 68. In 2015 domestic violence homicides reached 80. (Counting Dead Women Australia

Women (and men) have a right to live free from fear and violence.  

Reminder of events coming up

  • DEC 1 - How Churches globally are tackling gender violence: a webinar for the 16 days of activism. Join the conversation. Details & registration
  • DEC 4 - Holding the light - an ecumenical service to remember the victims and survivors of domestic violence in Australia. Details & registration 
  • DEC 14 - National Summit - continuing dowry tradition without harm?  Details. Registrations closed
  • FEB 25 - Facilitator training workshop. Are you keen to help others to learn about active bystanding to prevent gender violence? Details & registration 

  Violence prevention resources   

If you would like to show case the violence prevention work of your faith community or submit any success (or partial success) that you've had as an active bystander upload it here  

Think Prevent is edited by Jill Graham & Em Timmins and information is issued by Kempster Consultants. The opinions, events, links, and reports within the e-Newsletter are not necessarily endorsed or supported by the Anglican Diocese of Melbourne, its program partners Brotherhood of St Laurence or Anglicare Victoria.  

For further information contact: Dr Ree Boddé  (M) 0450039288. Email:
We declare our commitment to be an Active Bystander against discrimination, sexism, sexual abuse and violence whether at home, on the sports field, at work, in our house of worship, or out with friends, family, colleagues, or workmates
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